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Naomi Randall - Journal

25th September 1999 - Part 3

We have Anthony back now. For that, at least, I must be grateful. This latest 'adventure' has only served to reinforce my suspicions that I am nothing but a burden to the group. My one redeeming feature in the past has been the ability to act as a meat shield and protect the rest of the group whilst they do the hard work, and even then they haven't really liked it, for whatever reason they seem to think that I shouldn't be the one to do it.

At one point we ended up in a war zone... not as bad as it sounds, it's just an online computer game where if you 'die' you actually get derezzed back to your body. Hurts like hell, but it's not fatal. So we went in, all toting guns except for Tom, made our way to some bunkers and set up there to hide from the two other groups that were in there waging war. We started to make a move towards one of the caches of better weapons and I watched everyone's backs whilst they ran, and then I was back in my VR Tank with a nosebleed.

Apparently I'd been hit by a rocket and Kit had dragged me out so that I didn't take the full force of a hard derez. So I was out, before I'd even had a chance to do anything useful, and for all I knew everyone else was going to die because I hadn't been on the ball enough. But no, they were fine without me, it made no difference whatsoever, just one less back for them to have to watch.

Tom later swapped out with me, for reasons that never fail to amuse me when I'm in a more cheery frame of mind. I still didn't do anything amazingly useful when I got back in, I shot some barrels whilst everyone else did all the hard work. Some mighty warrior I am...

And then there was the Genesis lab. Merlin suggested that he wait outside, given that he could barely walk within the Digital Web, and during the discussion of who should go on the expedition I got lumped in, or rather out, with Merlin. They never actually bothered to tell me that though, just kind of decided it around me, so when we actually got to the lab I asked Theo if he wanted me to come too. His response? 'Sure, we can all die together.' Not, 'yes, you might be able to help' or anything like that, but a 'Why not? It can't get any worse.' And they wonder why I've almost killed myself in the past trying to prove myself to them...

And then at the end of everything we met the Phoenix. I've never met an omniscient being before... I asked him some questions. I got answers for most that were the ones I wanted, though whether they're true or not is another matter.

I had to ask him why. He said I was best suited and have the right qualities for whatever it is I'm supposed to do. Whatever that means... I can't see it myself.

On Monday we're going to Brighton. I have a lot to do between now and then. Lets see if I survive...

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