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Naomi Randall - Journal

18th September 1999

Merlin finally managed to catch up with me. Or rather I let him, I told Ellen to give me a call next time he showed up at the centre, which didn't take long. I'm still trying to get used to the whole Arthur idea myself, so being stalked by a crazy old guy isn't exactly what I really want right now. But he seems to think it's what he should do, so I guess I get no choice.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting him to say when I saw him, but it definately wasn't him asking me to help him die (I believe the actual word is kill, though he skated around that... for some reason he thought that was perfectly okay).

At first I thought it was all going to be some ploy to get me to accept the fact that I'm Arthur... he was saying how he had outlived his usefulness because he had used magic to make sure he could be around for when Arthur returned, and now that he had seen Arthur die that was the end of it, that he was tired of living and needed to die. I kept trying to tell him that that Arthur had never actually returned, he'd just stayed in Avalon and died there. He wouldn't have it though. So I reckoned he wanted me to say something like 'I'm Arthur, stop arsing around,' which I was deliberatley avoiding. I may have vaguely accepted the idea, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let some old man manipulate me and then think he's got one up on me just because he got me to admit something that I'd already dealt with.

But the more he went on the more I thought it could be something else. It was almost like he was trying to get me to tell him that he wasn't allowed to die yet: 'Please don't die, Merlin! I need you!' So I confronted him about it, asked him if that was what he was trying to do. He just smirked at me, told me there was more of Arthur in me than I realised, and left.

I'm really not sure what to make of it all. Was I right, is he really a manipulative bastard that was trying to turn me into his latest puppet? Or is he really a sad old man, who despite all evidence to the contrary, has decided that his time should be done. Either way, I feel sort of sorry for him, he's kind of tragic. Given what I know of him though, I seriously doubt it's the latter. He's far too driven to just give up when there's so much important stuff going on.

Or maybe I just payed too much attention to Guinevere.

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